Yesterday I counted as the best day I have had in a week. I was alert, I cleaned, I felt good. I felt human again. I had stopped one of my morning pills that was making me super drowsy and I think that helped but my head felt clearer all day.
I watched some TV but in the most part just cleaned and meditated. No distractions. It was a nice day. And, I ate. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but my appetite had been gone for so long. I ate KD – which is weird as I don’t really do dairy and I don’t really do gluten. It tasted awful but I ate!
Today I woke up way too early. I’m not sure why but again, had energy. Got all my garbage out. Put in a load of laundry. Even went for a walk to the local market. Best part is I picked up some work. I loved every second of it. I felt like I had a purpose again. I kept saying “I can do this”, “I will overcome this”.
Then the anxiety hit. It’s like a brick that crashes into my chest. Tears came rolling down. It’s not gone. There are good days and bad days. I am going to light some candles, some sage and meditate. Work is over for the day. My therapist says that is part of my problem. I work too much. Always looking for another way to make money. Always taking on more then I can handle. But my anxiety causes me to worry when the next paycheque will come. Will I have enough. What more can I do. There stems my anxiety. But I will overcome. It isn’t forever. I just know that there will be good days and bad days.
A Journey of a Thousand Miles 